Every once in a while, and by every once in a while, I mean like once a year, I get a massage and facial as a treat to myself. I always love the facial and I always think I will love the massage. I don’t dislike it, but I never really relax like I would like to during it. It’s like my mind won’t let me just lay there for an hour and think about nothing. Also, it turns out that my muscles are so knotted and twisted that the massage becomes slightly painful rather than relaxing.
Just my luck.
My latest massage was while we had our staycation in October. Besides the pain associated with the massage, and being more sore after it than I was before, these are the random thoughts that paraded around my head…
1. Why would anyone even want to be a masseuse?
Seriously, if you are a masseuse, my hat is off to you. I am a slight germophobe, so I can’t imagine oiling people all up and rubbing all over their slimy bodies. Ewwwwww.
2. Leave my feet alone.
I already told you this before the massage. Don’t touch my effing feet. I’m ticklish and I’m likely to sock you in the nose with my foot and leave you bloody and bruised and it will be all your fault because I warned you, buddy.
3. Oh my bad. Sorry my legs are only shaved a 1/4 of the way up.
It’s that time of the year, where I prefer jeans, but slightly rolled up, so shaving the entire length of my legs is completely unnecessary in my opinion.
I hadn’t planned on getting a massage today. If I would have known, I would have shaved all of my legs.
No. I’m lying. I wouldn’t have.
4. Shut up.
Rarely do I get a moment of peace and quiet. Honestly, in my subconscious, I’m probably just paying you so I can go somewhere solo and not have to talk to anyone. So just shut up. I want to lay here and bask in my own crazy thoughts. I don’t need to hear about how bad my back is – I already know this.
I think I’m done with massages. Instead, I’m going to save that money and get two facials a year instead.
Have a stellar weekend, Freaks.
You know you don’t wanna miss any of this crazy.
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