Rain on a Tin Roof

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The (Questionable) Legality of My Marriage

Do you remember the first words Grunt Labor uttered to me on our wedding day?

Let me refresh your memory if you’ve forgotten or haven’t read that story (but be sure to read the story after this one because its a good one):

“He doesn’t speak any English.”

I was in my mermaid style wedding dress wearing my sapphire blue Manolo Bhlaniks, my hair was perfectly coifed (although it had looked like a football helmet about an hour earlier – think Sally Field in Steel Magnolias), my makeup professionally applied and those were his first words to me.

Classic Grunt Labor.

In his defense we were in the middle of nowhere in the Dominican Republic and most everyone spoke no English. The ones who did speak it were a little hard to decipher.

Put two southern people in the middle of that trying to figure out what the hell is going on and it gets real comical real fast.

We said I do Sí and then proceeded to sign where the non-English speaking priest tells us to sign.

The (Questionable) Legality of My Marriage via RainonaTinRoof.com

I have no clue what we signed.

Neither does Grunt Labor.

And let’s be honest when the resort is all inclusive and that includes alcohol, no one really knows what’s going on by the end of the week.

You think that 5:00 pm in the Dominican is a perfectly reasonable time to get married and that it should totally be cooled down by then.

You may also find yourself with a monkey on your head.

The (Questionable) Legality of My Marriage via RainonaTinRoof.com

You thought I was kidding.

Side note: That picture adorned our Christmas cards one year.

Anyway, for all we know we may have signed away all our worldly possessions to the Dominican priest that we didn’t even understand.

The next day we received a package of our “wedding documents.”

We think, “Great! This is what we need to prove we’re married back home!”

Excitedly, we open the package and look for our marriage certificate.

We don’t see it.

We look again.

We finally find something that says, “Certificado de Matrimonio”

Um excuse me?

Ok, so this is our marriage certificate?

After spouting off a stream of expletives concerning why they couldn’t give us a translated version considering we had just paid all this money to be married on this resort in the middle of nowhere, I calmed down a bit.

Its just written in Spanish. No problem, we’ll just go back home, show it to someone important and its all legal.

No problem.

We go back home.

I called the court house.

They kindly tell me they don’t issue marriage certificates when you have been married outside of the country and that the Spanish one should work for our needs.

I march on down to the DMV to update my license with my new last name. I mean, really, that was half the reason I married Grunt Labor. He had a fantastic last name. Everyone remembers the name, LaFevor.

I bounced into the DMV and handed all my Spanish paperwork to the not-nearly-as-bubbly-as-I-am attendant.

He handed it back and stated that if he can’t read it, he can’t give me a new license.

Well shit.

Yea, I kind of saw that coming, but was hoping all my bubbliness would just convince the attendant to give me a new license anyway.

I walked out of the DMV half in an uproar and half on the verge of tears. What possessed us to get married in a country that was so hot our knees were sweating and they didn’t even give us a marriage certificate we could read?

Then I sucked it up and did what any smart, intelligent, well-educated woman would do in my situation.

I went home and translated our Spanish marriage certificate with Google.

And then I used Google to translate our marriage certificate...

After an hour or so, I had a typed-up, printed out marriage certificate in English.

Minus a line or two that even Google couldn’t translate.

Whatevs. I’m sure those lines weren’t that important.

The next hurdle: Convincing someone to notarize this new document.

Once more I put on my bubbly face and my I-just-got-married-don’t-make-me-upset grin, skipped into our bank, and asked for a notary.

They pointed me in the direction of a guy who looked to be not a day over 19 with a crooked tie and a look on his face of, “How did I get here?”

Honey, I was wondering the same thing.

This was going to be a piece of cake.

I told him I had an account there, explained the situation, leaving out the part about me translating it via Google, and could he be so sweet as to notarize this for me so I could change my name?

I was in and out in under five minutes.

With a notarized (Google translated) marriage certificate.

I had a new license and new name that same afternoon.

Our marriage actually being legal?

The (Questionable) Legality of My Marriage via RainonaTinRoof.com

Neither Grunt Labor nor I are 100% sure about that one.

I’m cool with that. Its just another star on my freak flag.

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Comments

  5. Hope Williams says

    Now that is funny! I believe we all have a freak flag. Some are just willing to fly it and share in the sheer, unmitigated humor that our flags stand for!
    Fly it from the top of the pole sister!
    Great post today!

    Reply

  6. Victoria says

    Love that story!

    Ours is in Swedish, and from so long ago I don’t even ReMEMBER how I got my updated license! We are so old now that I’m more worried about testing the legality with the clerk at Social Security, lol!

    Reply

  7. Paula says

    OH MY GOODNESS! Funny! You are the best Jenna! You are married to a wonderful guy and who cares if the certificate is a translated. Love is all that matters!

    Reply

  8. Alanna Staffel says

    That’s SO awesome! Lol
    Bad weddng stories are the best. (I definitely got rear-ended on the way to the salon.)

    Reply

  9. Kelly @ the Moon and Me says

    Totally hilarious! The dates on our marriage cert are wrong and different in a couple places…since we met at 7-Eleven and my husband likes to tell people it’s a marriage of convenience…he says he’s just in it for the sex and can opt out any time. Yeah right. 🙂
    Kelly

    Reply

  10. Gwen says

    You really made me laugh today! And not just because it’s a great story told in your usual hilarious way (although it is.) We got married at a Sandals in Montego Bay in June. Yes, we were all “glistening” (ahem) and yes, I ended up with a Jamaican version of your (and Sally’s) football helmet do, which my girlfriends and I had to redo an hour and a half before the wedding. When I went to get my license updated, I was informed that our marriage license wasn’t legal in the good old USA. Their answer to my problem? “Well, the J.P. starts weddings at 5 p.m.” SO… We did a little shopping, had a couple of drinks and got married at 5:05 – in jeans and shorts, and with two court clerks for witnesses. Not the most romantic “real” wedding but what the heck? It makes a good story.

    Reply

    • Gwen says

      I suppose I should add that it was not this past June. My husband has had nine years to wonder why he didn’t opt out when he had the chance! 🙂

      Reply

    • Jenna @ Rain on a Tin Roof says

      Glistening!! haha – that’s the perfect word to replace sweat!! What is it about those places that want to make your hair so big?! I was almost in tears – it seriously looked like a football helmet! That is a fantastic story, I was pretty sure we were going to have to end up getting married again in the U.S. Heck, we may still have to one day!

      Reply

  11. Donna says

    HAHAHAAAA! This is a great story & we have one kinda like it, as well. We signed something we had no idea what it said, or at least I didn’t because I do not know much Spanish at all, but my hubby does. We got married in Mexico in 1999 and we have wondered the same thing — is it legal here?? Hahahahaha again! We actually got married a few years later in the church by our priest — so I guess we are actually “legally” married here. We already had our daughter, too, and she was at the marriage we had in the church. I think she was around 4 at the time but she remembers it! Thanks for the story, I thought we were the only ones who could possibly have done this! 🙂

    Reply

  12. Sandi P says

    Some 37 years ago my DH and I went out to breakfast and decided to get married. We went to a little chapel that advertised marriage without blood tests needed (ours had expired). He gave us a little certificate and told us he would file it legally, but pulled my DH aside to tell him I came with a warranty and he could change his mind if he wanted. Our honeymoon was a night at a local cheap motel where the last tenant walked into the room to pick up a bag he had left behind. (We were still dressed.) 37 years later we needed the official copy for social security, and were on pins and needles when we sent for it. Lo and behold we are legal, and didn’t have to tell our 3 grown kids they aren’t legal. Oh, and the preacher did hold onto it for two weeks before sending it in. Just sayin’.

    Reply

  15. Vicky says

    My friend was married here in California, but to the same effect. 15 years and two kids after her wedding, she started a new job with health care benefits. Her benefits were better than the ones offered by her husband’s employer, so she wanted to add him to hers. That required a copy of her marriage license. She went to the county recorder to get one, only to find out that the priest who officiated neglected to file it. Uh oh. What to do (other than decide if you actually want to do anything or leave it be in the event that you no longer want to be married and don’t want to bother with acquiring a divorce)? Well, it turns out that the county also issues a “certificate of marriage” as a legal document for confirming that a marriage actually occurred. She needed to find two people who actually witnessed said ceremony to confirm that by signing the certificate. One was me. Problem solved, insurance obtained, and now the keepers of vital records also know that she is married, which could come in handy in certain situations (like those involving The Social Security Administration). Anyway, you might want to check back with the county to see if they offer something similar.

    Reply

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